


Beat Your Heart Out

by EnviousHera



Series: Shimmer & Rot [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben is back, Blood and Gore, Childhood Trauma, Dark Reylo, Dating, Disguise, Drugs, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Ghosts, Han Junior, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Mama Bear Rey, Memory Issues, Mental Instability, Mind Manipulation, Original Character(s), POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Possessive Kylo Ren, Psychological Trauma, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey is such a bitch we loves it, Secrets, Stalking, Violence, Witness Protection, memories and flashbacks, sequel to Dismantle Me, twisted fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:22:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25416112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnviousHera/pseuds/EnviousHera
Summary: Rey and her teenage son, Han, moved to a new town two years ago in the witness protection program to escape the insanity and carnage of her ex-boyfriend and baby daddy, Ben Solo.But Rey was wrong to think she was safe, even in hiding. Because Ben has found them, and Ben only wants one thing: for all of them to be one big, happy family at last.No matter what.Sequel to Dismantle Me.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Shimmer & Rot [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841356
Comments: 31
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> heyooooo and welcome to da sequel of Dismantle Me! So if you haven't read that yet, then don't read this lmao you will be confusededed fasho. 
> 
> It picks up right where we left off. 
> 
> But POV Han jr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short baby Han POV 
> 
> Rey and Han's names have been changed via witness protection so it's Kira and Bobby

Something isn't right. 

I can't stop pacing. My chest feels like it's stuck together with tar or something equally as sticky and I can't breathe. I'm shaking. Where is mom? What if she's dead? What if he cut her throat like he did to that one guy? I stop pacing and crumple down to the floor. 

I stop breathing all together and clutch my chest. She's dead. She's dead. Mom's dead. She died. She's dead. Oh my god. She's dead. She's never coming home because she's dea -

I hear her car pull in the drive away.

Oh. 

I pop up and my panic shrinks like cotton candy in water; all gone. I clap my sweaty hands together. She's home. Yay. 

I sling shot myself off the floor, hop over the couch and to the front door, ripping it open faster than I can blink. I wave at mom as she walks through the door, always grumpy. She nods to me and pulls her sunglasses off her face and onto her head. 

"Hey son. How was your day -"

I cut her off.

"Hi mom. What took you so long? You should have been here..." I glance at the cable box clock. "7 minutes ago. There wasn't any traffic and I was kinda of worried you got hurt or the car broke down or you hit a dog or maybe you j -"

Mom sighs and clamps her hand over my mouth but I keep talking, muffled but determined. 

" - just forgot where we lived again or -"

Mom lets go of my face with a big sigh and I follow her into the kitchen where the pizza is waiting for us. Only onions on half. Mom sits down, and I notice how tired she looks. I think she was crying, too. I twiddle my fingers nervously. Fudge sticks. I hope she doesn't get too sad again. Last time they took her away for three days. 

I scratch my head, my shaggy black hair falling in my eyes, and watch her for a minute while she stares off at the blue wall. I miss grammy. She always knew what to do. Everything is so weird now. I slide my chair out quietly so I don't scare mom. She's weird about loud noises. 

"How was work, mom?" I ask lightly. 

She just stares at the wall for awhile before her mouth ticks up at the corner. "It was... Interesting."

I perk up and intertwine my fingers. "Really? What happened?"

Mom tilts her head to the side and squints. "We need to plaster that crack in the wall." She pushes herself up from her chair and goes to get plates even though I've already got two set and places them on top of the others. 

"What happened at work today?" I ask again while I watch her spin around three different times. Must have been a really tough day. She's more lost than normal. I drum my fingers on the table and rest my chin on my palm. "Mommmm."

"What?"

I sit up and speak slow. "Whhhhat happeneeeeed aaaaat wooooork todaaaaay?"

Mom squeezes her eyes closed for a moment and shakes her head. "New guy started. He seems... Okay. Kind of weird. Maybe." She smiles a little as she walks away, leaving the fridge wide open. 

I lean over to close it and try not to panic. A guy? But Maz said... She wouldn't probably ever be able to be with another guy again. Because Kylo was so batshit crazy. But maybe she should be. She's young still. Adults need partners and stuff... 

But what if she sends me away to be with him? What if he hates me and sends me away? What if he's insane too and really kills us? At least Kylo wouldn't have killed us. A new guy is too weird. Can't be trusted. 

"Do you... Like him?" I ask, throat tight. I push around a random salt crumb on the table with my shoulders hunched. This new guy is going to ruin our lives.

Mom shrugs and takes a big bite of her pizza. It has onions on it. She doesn't seem to care though. She sighs and swallows her bite. 

"I dunno, Han. I barely met him. He seems... Nice. I guess." She squints at the pizza. "He... He looked..." Mom twirled her finger around and then stopped, pulling out her here buns. It's quiet while I'm on the literal edge of my seat. "I don't know. I'm tired, bub. He's just some guy that works at the shop now." She shoots the rubber bands across the room one at a time at the crack in the wall. 

"Do you think he's... Cute? Or whatever?" I mumble, peeking up at her. 

Mom slumps over and places her head on the table. 

"Hannnnnnnnnn..." She groans and slides her face over to finally look at me and squints. "What's wrong with you? You're acting weird. I've had enough weirdness for today."

I mimic her and place my head on the table too. "Why was it weird?"

Mom shrugs. "New guy. First new person since me. That's all."

I purse my lips and shrug too. I know she's hiding something. I hate the guarded look in her eyes but I know she's tired. I'll let it go. For now. 

Mom lifts her hand and pats my back. "I love you, bub. I need a shower though. I stiiiink." She smiles and crinkles her nose. 

I smile and make a fake grossed out face. "Yeah, you really do. Go degrease and I'll pick out a movie you can fall asleep to before the title card." 

Mom laughs and kicks my foot under the table. "Snarky ass." She pushes up with a groan and ruffles my hair. "I'll be back."

I watch her walk away and grab a piece of pizza I hold in my mouth before jogging to the living and searching through the movies. I kneel down and purse my lips with a mouth full of delicious, oniony 'zza. 

Flintstones? Or maybe... Clueless? Hmmm... 

The phone starts ringing so I bring a handful of DVDs and wander over to answer, not paying too much attention. 

"Hullo?" I mumble, still chewing. 

"Hello. Is this the Johnson residence?"

Ice runs up my spine and mouth falls open. I can't explain why, but this man's voice... It... It scares me. 

"... Hellooo?" The deep voice drawls.

I'm shaking again. I swallow my food but it still takes me a second to respond. "Uhhh. Yes?" My voice cracks. "Who - who is this?"

The man laughs a little. "This is Matt. I'm looking for Kira." 

I swallow dryly and scratch my head. "She's... She's in the shower."

The man laughs again. "Alright. Well, have her give me a call back. It's about work." 

I nod like he can see me and take down his number on the little notebook by the phone. 

"Sh-sh-she'll call you back." Why am I so scared? I just don't want him to take my mom away. I need her. She's all I have. Maybe I should just throw the number away... 

"Good. Make sure she does." Matt says. 

His voice is really deep, full of authority. Makes me nervous. Somewhere deep in my brain is screaming in panic but it's just because I'm such a chicken all the time. He's nobody. It's fine. 

I puff my chest up a little. "I _will_." I try to sound tough but my stupid voice cracks again. Damn it. 

Matt chuckles again. "Yeah-huh. See ya around, kid."

He hangs up and I slam the phone down in a huff. Jesus. What a total jerk. I should just rip up his number. but I won't. Mom needs it for work or something. 

I shake off my anxiety and go back to the tv, shoving in some random movie. I plop down on the couch and cross my arms, annoyed, and bounce my long legs. Mom will scare him away. 

And if she doesn't, then I will. This is _my house. I'm_ king of the castle. That's what grammy always said. Maybe I'm overreacting, but I can feel something brewing in the air. I bounce my legs faster while my heart pounds even faster. 

Mom is humming in the shower. She never does. I narrow my eyes and scowl. I knew something was wrong in the world. I felt it. I knew it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiiii I absolutely love and adore SpiffyRicky and you should 10000000% go and read her story, From My Heart right now bc it's absolutely wild and she's an incredibly gifted writer and fantastic support and wonderful friend!!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤

I wake up on the couch all groggy and roll over to find Han on the floor sprawled out like some giant baby. Dork. I roll back over and run my tongue over my gross teeth and realize I'd been snoring with my mouth open. Gross. I check my cell phone, but I don't have any voicemails or anything,but then I see the time. 

Oh, shit... I really slept like a fucking rock - nearly 14 hours. 

I purse my lips and scratch my cheek. Probably shouldn't have driven myself home last night... Whoopsie.

I stretch out and yawn, exhausted. Coffee. Cigarette. Laundry before I leave. Heartburn rolls up my chest and I frown. What did we eat for dinner last night? Eugh. 

I look around, gathering my strength before I'm up and moving. House is clean. Han is such a good kid, always very clean and meticulous. Leia taught him well... I sit up and stare at him for a bit. 

He looks a lot like Him. That doesn't bother me like it used to. At least he gave his son something besides fucking traumatic nightmares. I'm just glad whatever was wrong with Him isn't genetic. Han is already so smart, so kind. Handsome, too. Good kid. 

I shuffle over to where my mp3 player is hooked up to the radio aux cord and play Flagpole Sitta super loud to wake Han up. He hates it, but I can't help it. I tap my foot and tie my hair up into a big messy bun. There's a neatly written message next to the phone. 

Han groans and throws his pillow at me but I'm stuck as I read the note. 

_some jerk Matt called said it's about work 775-555-7801_ followed by a couple deep, angry lines under the number. 

I'm reminded suddenly of why I didn't really remember yesterday... That _guy._ Weird guy. Cute. But... weird. I bite my lower lip and casually pick up the phone slyly glancing behind me to make sure Han isn't keen on what I'm doing. 

But of course he is. He always is. 

"He was rude to me, you know." Han huffs, arms crossed and pouting. "He sounds like a real asshole."

I snort. It's funny to hear him cuss since he does it so rarely, even though I don't care if he does. "Rude how?"

Han fumbles his words for a second and already I know he's lying. He's always been a shitty liar, just like me. 

" Well... H-he... He -"

"That's what I thought. Go brush your teeth bub, I gotta make this call." I scoop up my purse to go have a cigarette on the porch. "Make me a few eggos please? Thank youuu."

I slip out the front door and sit on the couch I slipped an old cheetah print sheet over, hiding the holes, and bring my legs up to hold while I type his number in, almost excited. 

God, _excited_... I don't remember this feeling. 

He answers on the second ring. 

"Took you long enough."

My heart skips at his voice and it takes me a second to respond. "Well I was sleeping, so..." I light my cigarette with a slightly shakey hand. "What's up?"

"Nothing." He says, sounding distracted. 

I flick my cigarette and stare at the floor, waiting. He mumbles something to someone away from the phone and I raise my hands up, confused. My heart is thumping so hard in my chest I can barely stand it, but I can't drop my guard. Back into bitch mode. 

"...Did you need something? I'm kind of busy." I sniff and study my nails, annoyed he isn't giving me his full attention, like this total stranger somehow _owes me_ his full attention. Yikes. 

Matt clears his throat. "Yeah, my car is broken or whatever. Don't have time to fully figure it, I just bought it off some guy two days ago. Need a ride to work." 

"Oh..." I say dumbly. "Uh..." A man in my car, alone... Not very tempting. "I don't know if I -"

"Where do you live? I could walk to you if that'd make it easier."

"Uhh... I -"

Matt laughs, and I think maybe there's a hard edge to it but I'm not sure. "Kira, I don't want to beg. I just moved here, just got this job; I don't want to lose it on my second day just because I can't make it there. You'd be doing me a huge favor."

I feel dizzy. He's right, it's not a big deal for normal people but he doesn't know my issues with men, and that's not his fault... And I really, _really_ don't want to get into any of that. With anyone. Especially not a cute guy I don't know. I chew my lip for a second before nodding. It's fine. This should be fine. It's just a ride to work... 

"Y-yeah. That's... That's fine. You can meet me here in an hour or so. Need to get some chores done and shit."

"Alright, sounds good."

I chew my thumb nail to the quick while I give him my address and hang up. Fuck. I remember my cigarette and hit it, only to find out that the cherry had snuffed out. I grimace while I light it again. 

I hate relighting burnt out cigarettes. They never taste the same. 

°•°•°•°•°•°

Han is pissed. 

I ignore him while I break a Xanax in half, already forgetting what I'm supposed to be doing before Matt shows up. 

"Mom, are you kidding me?!"

"Yes, Han, I made up this weird lie just to twist your knickers. The reason I live - to fuck with you." I roll my eyes and snatch up one of the 10 Eggos he made. 

"Mom! You can't - you can't just _invite random men_ to the house!" He's outright yelling now, pointing a literal finger at me. "Maz said you're not in the right headspace for _any_ men in your life! Not to mention how absolutely reckless this is! They never found Kylo and he could be an inside guy scoping us out for him to come and find us! Grandma would be _furious_ with you! Are you out of your mind?!" 

Han is crying now. I throw down my Eggo and turn on my heel and yell right back. 

"Okay, FIRST OFF! YOU are a KID! You can't talk to me like that! I'm your MOM. I can give a coworker a ride to work! You can't tell me anything about my headspace or whether or not if I'm being safe or not! I'M the ADULT - NOT YOU!" I'm so angry that I'm crying now, too. I stomp my foot, further emphasising how much of an adult I am. "I AM being safe! You think I don't worry about Him constantly?! You were FOUR when that all happened - I have years on you for remembering everything and actually getting hurt! You don't! I gave up everything for us to be where we are now! I gave up your sister! I gave up my home! And I had to lose the only motherly person I've ever had! You have no IDEA! No fucking idea!" 

I'm panting by the end of my screaming and I wipe my nose with the back of my trembling hand. 

Han stares at me, eyes wide and pouring tears. He's skating too, struggling to breathe. He's frozen where he stands though, and suddenly him looking like his dad becomes too much, too real... 

It's the same look He had when Han Senior and Chewie had taken me away from my own home or horrors and left him tied in a dog leash to the fridge. Hurt beyond words. The kicked puppy. 

I feel horrible. But instead of apologizing or hugging my son, I all but run to my room and slam the door. I pull at my hair and grit my teeth until I fall back on my bed. 

I lay my head in my hands and cry, guilt tearing me up and eating me alive until the half of Mommy's Little Helper seeps in through my veins and suddenly, I don't care anymore. I don't care that I hurt my sons feelings, I don't care that I'm a victim of horrible, unspeakable abuse and suffering and unbelievable shit. 

Doesn't matter. Who cares. 

I finally get up and go to smoke a cigarette and find that Han moved to his room as well, with the door shut. I stop at his door way for a moment, and I consider knocking. 

No. I'll deal with that later when he starts calling me at work. I'll apologize then. He'll be over it by then. I'm over it. He will be too. He's stronger than me, after all. 

As I'm about to open the door, there's a quick and hard _knock, knock, knock_. I freeze for a minute, confused. 

Oh. Yeah. Matt. I forgot. I unlock the dead bolt and three separate latches above before I pull the door open. 

There he stands, tall and broad, blonde hair shining in the summer sun. He has on the grey uniform, tight against his big arms and stares down at me. At least, I think he is. His Jeffery Dahmer glasses have an intense glare on the lenses and his skin is so pale it's almost blinding. 

"Sorry I'm late. Had to figure out something to do with my daughter. Hard to convince a sitter to come in an hour early." He looks around and his eyebrow quirks. "Can I come in? Could use a glass of water."

I step aside without thinking, letting this huge stranger into my home. I get him the glass of water without a word, but when I come back into the living room, he's standing motionless and holding a picture of me, Han and Leia. 

I hand him the water and he takes it quietly, gulping the water while still looking at the picture. He hand me back the glass when he's done. 

"This your mom and son?"

I nod. 

Matt whistles out, low. "How old is he again?"

I clear my throat, weirdly wanting to rip the photo from his giant hand. "He's twelve. Gonna be thirteen soon."

"Shit..." He almost whispers as he finally sets it back down on the mantle. He turns to me and smirks. "You don't look old enough to have a 12 year old. You didn't adopt him? He's just yours?" He glances me up and down for some moment before breaking out into a full grin. "Nah, you gotta momma-wide hips. He's yours."

I blush and blanch. That's a fucking weird thing to say. Weirder that him referring to me as mama gave me a slight tummy flip. His eyes are dark and intense on my face and I blush harder. Jesus... 

I wave my hand awkwardly, looking away. "Yeah, well. Let's go. Don't wanna be late."

Matt shrugs and follows behind me. 

"I'll be back around 7, bub!" I call out as I grab my purse and keys. "Love you!"

Han doesn't answer me, but he's probably just pissed off still. He'll be fine. He always is. 

We get into the car and I hand Matt my stack of CDs to go through so we don't have to talk, but something relights in my brain.

"You said you have a daughter?" 

"Mhmmm." He hums, flipping through my music. 

"Oh... How old?" 

"She's about to be 10." He chuckles softly. "She's a real spitfire, like her mother was."

I bite my lip. "Was?"

"She died 8 years ago. Miss her everyday..." He trails off. "Anyways, enough of that sad shit. Mind if I smoke in here?"

"Oh, sure. Yeah. That's fine. I'm sorry."

Matt glances at me and smirks. "Don't be sorry. You didn't kill her."

It's quiet while he lights his cigarette, but I didn't realize he'd lit two and hands one to me. 

"Oh, thanks." I take it. "These aren't menthols, right? I fucking hate menthols." I scrunch my nose. 

"Naw, these are Winston's."

I laugh awkwardly. "Hey, that's what I smoke. How weird."

Matt grins and slips in my Misfits CD. 

"Weird, indeed."

We drive in silence, and arrive to work in silence. It doesn't dawn on me til after lunch and Han had already called twice and I actually stop to think:

...How the fuck did he get my phone number?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ruh roh raggy looks like something is happeningggggg. follow me on twitter @envious_hera for bullshit 
> 
> Also, I'm listing the USA national hotline for domestic abuse below, copied right from their website. If you're in an abusive relationship and need help, please call. There is a way out. And you're not alone. 💜
> 
> The Hotline can be accessed via the nationwide number 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224 or (206) 518-9361 (Video Phone Only for Deaf Callers). The Hotline provides service referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico, Guam and the U.S. Virgin Islands.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Twitter! @envious_hera


End file.
